Males, being sexually assaulted.

Question: can a reasonably normal heterosexual male, thirty something, be sexually harassed by a woman? On a number of levels, this is a very tricky proposition. I am somewhat beyond the typical age of romance now and can look back over a number of years and a number of incidents, some of which might be technically defined as an assault. This is not only a personal vision, as I also know the recollections of a number of men who, like me, have been technically assaulted by women. What do I mean by this claim? How have I been “technically”, sexually assaulted by women?

About the time of the “#MeToo” movement I took inventory. I can recall, over the years, eight incidents where women approached and French kissed me without a single signal from me that this was desired. [I know multiple men who have had similar experiences. I have also, over the years, had a couple of women grab me inappropriately, though I won’t delve into these here]. I knew these eight women from “not at all,” to a friendly, but formal relationship (e.g., a bartender I knew casually for a few years at a local restaurant). In each of these cases I was surprised by the kiss, but not especially offended. I never said stop to these women and, in fact, to be honest, I kissed them back — all eight. One reason for the difference, I think, is found in the relative physical power held by the individuals involved. There was no way any of these women could have gone any further than I would have allowed them. That was never a question in my mind. However, I do think there are other differences in the way men and women see “assault” by the opposite sex, but these are murkier and less tangible than raw, physical power.

In general, women are far less random and far more fussy and pickier than men about their sexual encounters. Note, I said “in general”. There are always outliers. But if typical heterosexual males are forthright, and they are often not honest with women, they are not frightened by women invading their personal space; they might be annoyed, for one reason or another, but never threatened. In addition, it seems to me that women’s fussiness is evolution putting its thumb on the scale. [Careful selection of a mate facilitated the transmission of their genetic material]. This is not to say that women are not sexually adventurous, but only that the “adventures” were probably not as random as they might have appeared at first glance. The fussiness is both laudable and an opportunity.

So, what is the meaning of all this? Opportunity? Can we draw a lesson? If anything, the knowledge that men are far less sexually vulnerable should encourage women to be less skittish and more comfortable about being sexually aggressive with men. I don’t recommend squeezing their butts or trying to unbutton their pants. Even though men would not feel threatened by such “intrusions,” they would feel put upon before they wanted to be “put upon”. However, to approach heterosexual men, touching is always good. Unless the man has a reason to actively dislike you, touching the arm, the shoulder, even a hug, will get a positive response. The man’ll probably be a little surprised but will definitely see you in a different and warmer light. This is a great way to assert a womnan’s natural fussiness and put it to good use. And ladies, it puts you in control. You get to do the picking, instead of the other way around.


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William F. Pray

William F. Pray

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